Desired Distraction

Terrible news has a way of creeping up on you. When I called to catch up with a friend she had news and not the kind I was expecting. Our friend is a heroin addict. He’s 20.

My heart sunk deep into my chest; the pain he must have felt to turn to something like heroin, I can empathize. What has me so shaken is quite simple and scares me more than anything. This can happen to anyone and no one saw it coming.

There is a pain so deep you’d do anything to end. Lying on the ground, sobbing, you barely make a sound. You want to feel safe; you want it all to just be okay. Helplessness washes over you, making you feel weak and alone, which in turn makes you feel scared.

Worse than the pain is the inability to end it, make it stop. Progressively getting worse, you get to a point where you feel crippled by life, as life it’s self causes the pain.

So many nights and days were spent dealing with pain. So many pills popped, joints smoked and knives dragged through layers of flesh in hopes of finding a distraction. It’s not that I ever wanted to die; I was just too tired to keep living.

I first fell in love with sex when I realized it was the only time I wasn’t in pain. Closing my eyes and letting waves of pleasure rush over me; sex was and still is like meditation. Everything bad in life falls to the side, nothing matters except the physical pleasure in that moment.

For me sex is not about love it’s an escape. It requires no thought and has no meaning when it’s done and over. People seem to think there is deeper meaning to the pleasure derived through sex; as a society we are consumed with finding deeper meanings and refuse to just let things be.

No longer in pain, I still see sex as just that, sex. The world is constantly shown in a picture perfect way, a set of ideals that my life is unable to live up to. The ideals others push onto society; inadequacy seeping through and everyday trying to keep up with what ‘they’ say is right.

We live in a world that promotes compliance, not questions. Ignorance really is bliss, but I was never one to be ignorant. Once you open yourself up to understanding, you can never go back.

Sex is still an escape and distraction from the world. That pain that overwhelmed me on so many occasions is gone as I no longer worry about fitting the cookie-cutter mold that is our societies expectations. I can only hope my friend can find strength to look beyond what people tell us to see and figure out what everything means for him.   
 

All In Favor?

There are two types of extramarital adventures; ones that are about sex and ones are more like affairs. The difference? Sex.

Monogamy has been the unintentional subject of most of my conversations lately; these conversations have taken place with women and surprisingly they do not seem to be in favor of it.

What changed that has made it acceptable for women to be open about not wanting to be with one man? Are women truly open, or is it something they disclose only in secret to their close and trusted friends?

If women and men both secretly crave physical and sexual encounters outside their committed relationship, why does society still look down on it; why are we shaming these people who know what they want and are not afraid to go get it?

The Photographer and I have quite the ideal situation. When I first began to see him my friends would ask, “don’t you feel bad for his wife?” My response was clear. No, I do not feel badly for her. If The Photographer actually ‘liked’ me he would call me to chat, he would want to go for dinner; he would want to go away with me. He doesn’t, he just wants to have sex.

Well, okay. Not JUST sex, amazing sex; mind-blowing sex. The kind the makes your toes curl, gets you instantly turned on, tingling, aching for more. For me, The Photographer is NOT cheating on his wife; he is NOT having an affair. He is just having sex and that does not make him a bad person. He is careful (minus those steamy videos he cannot bring himself to delete) that The Wife will never know. 

There is something about the camera that gets me turned on. Maybe it takes me back to the days before I moved back to New York where we would both lay in bed naked, on I Chat and watch each other get off. I loved knowing that he would watch them later, and get off on us.

The Photographer won’t get caught because he doesn’t want to. The Editor on the other hand, now that is a different story… 

All In The Neighborhood

Some women look for love. I on the other hand look for one thing and one thing only; Sex.

In one of my many apartments over the years I had an adorable sports media guy who lived above me.  Although he was less than my type I enquired if he had any male friends who might be. As I had recently ended a fairly long-term gig I was really only interested in fun.

My neighbor blushed, laughing uncomfortably. My direct approach had clearly stunned him. Once he regained composure he looked at me straight on, “I have just the guy.” Let’s call him The Firefighter.

I tied the knot of my black, short robe and slid into my favorite sky high black Louboutin’s. The top of my thigh-high Kiki de Montparnasse stockings ended right below where my robe began. I loved the way my long hair swept across my face and fell down across my breasts. As usual I looked smoking hot and I was beginning to turn myself on.

Behind the front door of my apartment stood The Firefighter, a bottle of wine in hand. He was hot; hair buzzed short, raw denim Levi’s rolled to show the salvage edge. I was impressed, having little to no expectations when it came to style and firefighters. We stood in the doorway eyeing each other up and down. He smiled like a kid on Christmas, “Wow… your neighbor wasn’t lying!”   

Leaning towards him I grabbed his neck and pulled him in, deeply kissing him. He slid a hand around my waist while he closed the door. The Firefighter sat in one of my club chairs and I straddled him. As I ran my lips and tongue up his neck towards his ear I could feel him getting thick.

His hands were running over my shoulders; he was aching to find out what was under my robe. The way his eyes traced over my entire body beginning with my shoes, up my legs and over my breasts, was incredibly sexy.

He wanted to devour me and I wanted to let him. 

Old School: How It All Began

Before all the sex, drugs and rock and roll. Before I understood that love wasn’t real. I had a boyfriend. A stereotypical high school nightmare, him the Football Guy and me the Cheer Captain. The first 8 months of our 2 years were grand while the remaining was spent figuring how to get out alive.

He was the first person I slept with, first guy to make me cum. I loved sex from day one.  The tales of our relationship would not only bore you, but also frighten you to your core; instead I am skipping along to the juicy goodness. The breakup.

I had finally been given my out; Football Guy had hung up on me for the very last time. The next morning he approached me in the hallway. Tried to kiss me and I turned my cheek. “Why did you hang up on me?” I demanded. His response, “I didn’t feel like talking to you anymore.”

The entire day he kept approaching me for a kiss, my response, “I didn’t FEEL like it.” Heading to my last class of the morning he cornered me, told me if I walked away from him it was over. I turned on the heel of my espadrilles and walked into class, adrenaline pumping through my veins.

Like clockwork Football Guy was standing outside my class when the bell rang. I walked by him. He grabbed my wrist, demanding we speak. I told him I had lunch plans that perhaps I would FEEL like talking to him after.

Heading into my first class post lunch drink in hand, he was waiting outside the giant glass wall of the science lab. He demanded to know what was going on. I told him I thought it was over; after all I had walked away. He laughed, “I was just threatening you.” He stared at me and I looked him square in the eye, for the first time feeling confident towards him. He asked if I still loved him. Silence. I took a long sip of my diet coke before answering, “No.” 

He grabbed the drink from my hand, threw it in my face before punching the wall beside my head. I could feel the breeze on my cheek as his fist crunched into the drywall. I just kept staring him in the eye. He pushed me, for the last time, into the wall and then stormed around the corner and up the stairs.

I stood, my white sundress dripping in soda. I could see the kids in the science room on their phones, texts to everyone what they had witnessed. I had never felt better. I was free; let the games begin. 

Mr. and Mrs. Sexuality

Sex is just sex. It just means I am hungry for you and you for me. People take sex way too seriously; they think by having it or talking about it, somehow makes YOU a bad person. I for one am sick of it and have finally met someone who gets it.

The Editor kissed me deeply, his lips warming up my mouth. His skin was soft and his body, smoking hot. I lifted his worn in t-shirt and kissed his stomach using my teeth to pull at the waistband of his pants. He lifted me onto the sofa, laying me down over the giant pillows. His hands pushed up the silky fabric of my dress to reveal my Dolce and Gabbana leopard print lace thong. He was hungry and eager to taste me.

He pressed his lips into the lace and breathed deep before tickling me with his tongue. He teased me until I couldn’t stand it and then pulled my panties down to my ankles. His hands slid up my soft legs and his fingers flicked me, feeling how wet he had me. His eyes were checking out my every curve and he seemed very pleased with what he saw. The Editor devoured me until I lost my mind, which wasn’t very long as not only was he an expert, but the anticipation from the past week had taken a rather large toll. He had me on the ground facing him, both of us on our knees. I leaned into him, biting and kissing his neck while he places his hand underneath me to feel how soaking wet I was.

His pants slid to the ground as he pulled me inward by my ankles. His smile was killer, and I could tell he was going to take his sweet time enjoying my every last drop. He dropped my ass down over the edge of the couch and slid inside me. Both of us moaned so loud I think the entire neighborhood could hear we were in ecstasy. He came so hard, then lead me to his room; throwing me down on the soft bed he had a mischievous grin on his lips. He loved the idea of taking me in the same bed that just a few hours prior he and his wife were in and I loved that he was so hot for me.

He continued to make me scream in all the best ways, before we both realized time was escaping us. As for someone who gets what sex is really all about, it is safe to say that The Editor nailed it (all puns wildly intended).

Let The Games Begin

The thrill of getting caught raced through my veins like a shot of adrenaline as I approached the lobby to meet Ralph Lauren Guy. The elevator doors opened; he stood across the room his back towards me looking sexy as ever. I walked up behind him, the train of my gown trailing me and placed my hand on his perfect looking ass. He grabbed my wrist hard as he turned to face me.

He devoured me with his eyes and asked if I wanted to have a little fun. I could not wait to rip into him. We walked up the stairs; he kept trying to slide his fingers inside me, barley able to contain his excitement. By the time we made it to the second floor I could hardly contain mine. I was so wet with anticipation it took every ounce of willpower not to throw him on the ground and have my way right then.

There was an empty room at the end of the hall with nothing but a table and chairs and when the door closed behind us, the sound of the lock clicking in, I knew I was in for a treat.

He kissed me, hard, deep and urgent, his tongue tickling mine. His lips moved from my neck, to my shoulder, then chest, while his hands fought the fabric of my dress desperately trying to feel me. I grabbed his hair as I kissed him back, sliding one leg up around his waist so I could feel how big and hard he was getting. I stuck my tongue deep in his ear and gently dragged my teeth downward. He moaned and pushed me down on the ground. Grabbing my ankles and pulling me towards him; he was on his knees and pushed my panties to the side.

Flicking my clit with his tongue he was exploring every curve of me and just as I was about to lose my mind he stopped and unzipped his pants. He was so hard and I could tell just aching to feel my lips around his head.

I sat him on the chair placing one leg on either side of him. When I finally lowered my hips down onto him we both gasped with pleasure. I moved slowly at first, his hands squeezing my perfect ass pulling me down hard onto him. His head tilted back in ecstasy and I ran my tongue up his neck, pulling at his skin with my teeth. My nails dug hard into his shoulders as he stood up, still inside me and pressed me up against the wall. Taking me hard and deep, he had me at his mercy.

Laying me down across the table, I lifted my legs up around his neck and he took me hard. He felt amazing and I reached down and touched myself as he lost his mind inside me. Still on the table he pushed my legs apart and began to devour me with his tongue. Sliding his fingers inside me he made me cum desperately.

We lay on the floor out of breath, unable to speak while his girlfriend lay upstairs in their bed. I couldn’t help but think, could have been more fun if she was there too.

Hong Kong Mash-Up

Hong Kong was so much more than I had anticipated. It was a mash-up of all my favorite things; amazing shopping, food, nightlife, beaches, art and of course hot, hot sex.

London guy met me in the hotel lounge for cocktails and although it had only been 3 days since I had last seen him in Las Vegas it felt like an eternity. I guess that is what a 16-hour flight and loads of sexual anticipation does to a girl.

The city was alive at night and we made the most of every moment. Lavish dinners were followed by chic clubs and bottle after bottle of delicious champagne. We were so hot for each other and could not keep our hands to ourselves. At one club on Lan Kwai Fung we were being so aggressive with one another that we were asked to leave, which is my more-mild version of what actually occurred.

We went swimming at Repulse Bay, soaking up the sun in my orange mesh Agent Provocateur lingerie and secretly touching each other in the water while the other beach goers looked on without a clue. The whole week was an utter fantasy, one we were both making the most of.

Having him throw me onto the soft bed and rip open my giant white robe was almost too much to handle. He was very good at knowing exactly how and where to touch me to drive me absolutely wild and I could read him like a book. We would spend ours pushing each other’s buttons teasing ourselves within inches of our sanity. We would stay up all night, fucking until we passed out from exhaustion, only to wake up and do it all over again. I had finally found someone who was able to keep up with my sexual appetite.

It's All Fun and Games

Until someone gets pregnant.. Thank god, it was NOT me!

It is my belief that women are very smart and savvy creatures. A woman always knows when something is going on. So when she feels that her husband is wandering, she takes drastic measures to keep him. This time it was in the form of an unexpected pregnancy, the Photographer's wife must have been onto him.

My excuse for being with a married man had always been, "well it's not like he has children...". Until now. Now I had no excuses and wasn't quite sure what to say or how to feel.

His line, "we can still be friends," mine, "we were never friends."

This hiatus lasted about 0.2 seconds before we realized we liked sex way too much, and more specifically sex with each other, to throw in the towel so quickly. After all we couldn't let something like his unborn spawn get in the way of wild sex, could we?

It wasn't too long before he was on a plane and in my bed.

I began going to New York for interviews every few weeks and we would hold up for a few hours when I would visit. The thought of his pregnant wife, distant in my mind, and I assumed his. Then one day Karma began to kick my ass.
And we all know Karma's a bitch...

The Interview

One of my first interviews was for an online magazine featuring an extremely talented fashion and art photographer. As we were in different countries at the time of the interview we never met in person. Four months later I moved to New York and invited him for drinks to say thank you and introduce myself. My friend warned me about photographers and I remember telling her, "Don't worry he is 40 and married, I don't think we have anything to worry about".

That statement was the beginning of the end. Let's call him "The Photographer".

I think we bonded over our love of exotic food, or perhaps it was our love of wild sex. Either way we had way too much fun sneaking around the city to rip each others clothes off. It was such a cliche, going to his studio, him picking me up in his beautiful sports-car. I thought it would all end when I left New York in the Fall, but it didn't.

It became more intense... he'd fly to come see me, say he was going on a "shoot" and then it was a "re-shoot". I would try to break it off, but was so wildly attracted to him and we'd have so much fun together I couldn't help myself. Did I mentioned I have a thing for the British? His accent made everything even hotter (and more cliche).

Now, I don't want you to get the wrong impression, this is not a porn site, but it must be said, The Photographer is the some of the hottest sex I've ever had. He was wild, made me insane in all the best ways. His love of thigh high stockings gave me an Agent Provocateur addiction; one I have yet to break. He had me completely wrapped around his finger and when I invited a friend to join us, I had him wrapped around mine. He was, and most likely still is, a complete pervert and the idea of fucking someone half his age was a massive turn on.

I am not one of those dumb girls that thought he would leave his wife for me. That would have been terrible as who could trust a man that was cheating on his wife. I just saw myself as his mistress, the one he wanted to be with physically. It was kind of a turn on knowing he had someone else and would rather be with me.

Then one day everything got totally fucked.